The tale of the $6.00 Security Guard

Once, I worked as a guard for a company that had a Government contract.  It was really easy, but the pay was lousy.   I made $6.00 per hour.  Every day, I’d get the paper when I got off and look for another job.  The guys I worked with thought I was crazy. 

             Late night, we’d stand around and talk.  They were basically happy making peasant wages.  Not me, every night, I’d tell them I was getting out of here the first chance I got. 

            Guys would ask me, “Where you going to go and make more money than this working security?” 

             I’d tell them I was worth more than six bucks; I was going to find a job for at least twice that.  They’d all laugh and say, “There are no $12.00 jobs in security,” and that I should stop dreaming and get back to work.

            Then one morning, just about the same time I got into bed after the night shift, the company I worked for called.  The personnel lady informed me that my security clearance papers hadn’t been filled out properly and they wanted me to come in right then and correct them so they could conduct the background check.

            Now, I’m not a fool; I knew that this clearance was going to cost them at least ten thousand dollars and they wanted to pay me six fucking dollars.  I told the lady that there wasn’t a whole lot I’d do for six dollars, and getting out of bed to drive thirty minutes to fill out a form was one of the things I would not do.  I hung up the phone.

            When I got back to work that night, the supervisor came to me and inquired about the forms.  I told him the same thing I’d told the lady on the phone.  Then the asshole asked me why I had to be so belligerent.  At that moment, I gave my two weeks’ notice. 

              Later, we were outside having our normal talk, and all the other officers again told me there were no twelve dollar jobs, and that the company we worked for was a good company, and that I should go fill out the form and stay. 

               I did my two weeks and told them all to take care; I was going to find me a good paying security job. 

              The next day, I landed a job for $13.00!  I worked for a couple of months and, one day, I was on my way home from work when I decided to stop in and check on my old friends.  I pulled up and they all came out and asked how things were going. 

               I explained how I had landed a new job and what it paid.  They all got excited and I told them that there were no more thirteen dollar jobs, I got the last one.  Before I left, I also informed them I was waiting on my weapons permit and that I was in line for another job that paid eighteen dollars an hour.  They almost went into shock.  I laughed all the way home.

               Several months later, after I had started working my new job, I dropped by to check on them again.  This time, I was driving a shiny new 300ZX.  I pulled up and they didn’t have a clue who the fuck I was.  They all stood there looking to see who was in the car.

           I got out and they almost fainted.  I told them about my latest job and its eighteen dollar pay, and they almost shit.  They wanted to know how they could get a position at the new place. “Sorry,” I told them, “they have no more eighteen dollar positions.  I got the last one.” 

            But, before I left, I couldn’t help but explain to them about the new position I had accepted.  I’d taken a position overseas that paid a whopping seventy thousand dollars!  They couldn’t believe it. 

            The moral to this story is, if you feel like six bucks is all you’re worth, then six dollars is all you’ll ever get.

“Observe and Report” Book Trailer

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“When asked how did I created such an interesting book about Security, I simply tell people… I took the approach of creating a car wreck. Everyone looks as they pass by (rubbernecking), to recreate this effect for Security I removed the mundane from the job and let the officers tell about the exciting and interesting events of their profession. Events that contain humor, drama, excitement, horror and humility. The readers of my book love this, short to the point stories that keep you entertained. Most readers say that once they pick this book up they simply cannot put it down.” M. Oden

“Observe and Report” on Sale Now

“Observe and Report” the book is on sale now and copies may be obtained thru Amazon, Borders, Barnes and Nobles or observeandreport.net. Get your copy today. The perfect gift for Security, Law Enforcement, Military personnel or the curious reader who just wants to know what goes on behind the scenes. It’s funny, frightening, silly, real and horrific at times but it’s a fast read and keeps you turning the pages. Get your copy today! 

Getting fired for a bad stop in Loss Prevention

There are officers who take too many chances. Instead of seeing all the steps, they’d see one or two, and then they’d make the stop anyway. But eventually, your luck runs out on you.
We had a girl who went into the fitting room to watch a couple of females try on items. While walking out, she noticed another girl in a fitting cubicle, next to theirs, place a dress into her shopping bag.
Now, she thought she had something. When the girl came out, she followed her and when she exited the store, the officer arrested her.
She took the girl to the booking office and, the whole time, the girl was asking, “What the hell is going on?” When they got into the office, she told the girl to remove the dress she just stole while in the fitting room. The girl of course asked, “What dress?”
The officer reached into the bag and pulled out the dress she had seen the suspect place in the bag. Of course, the girl told her the dress belonged to her and that she was trying to match it to something else that she chose not to buy.
The officer became angry and basically chewed the girl out for being a liar. The girl started crying and said she wanted to call her dad. However, the officer was unrelenting. She started to book her for the theft, and because of the price of the dress, it would be a felony.
One of the LP managers walked by and saw this young girl crying, and although that was not uncommon, stopped into the booking office. The manager realized that, for some reason, this girl looked somewhat familiar.
The girl was still pleading to call her father, and since she was a juvenile, we had to contact a parent. The manager asked the girl’s name and when she blurted it out, the manager almost fainted. She stopped the booking process and removed the officer from the room, leaving the girl alone for a few minutes.
In the hallway, the manager asked if the agent had seen all the steps required in making the stop. The officer of course said yes, because even though she didn’t yet know why, she was smart enough to know her job was in danger.
The manager went back into the booking room alone. After a few minutes, the girl handed her the receipt for the dress from her purse. The officer watching through a two way mirror realized this was going to be a problem, but she still had no idea how large this problem was about to become. The manager exited the booking room to give the girl privacy to contact her father.
The manager looked at the officer and said, “Not only does the dress belong to her, but to make matters worse, her father is the vice president of the company that owns all the stores our company has.”
Months later, we were all sitting around clowning. Someone said, “Hey, remember so and so?” That’s what happens to you when you take chances. Months later, officers sit around and ask if anyone remembers you.

A funny but true Security Story

When you first start working for a guard company, they usually send you to different locations until they find one that fits you or one that they have trouble filling.  Unfortunately, most time of the time, it’s the latter of the two.

            During this moving period, you meet some cool people.  I met a fat guy who worked with me at a gated community one night.  He told me all about the company and the good places to ask to work on a permanent basis.  

            They had given me a schedule for the week.  Each day was at a different location, so, I showed it to him and he looked it over.  When he got to my fourth day, he told me he didn’t like that post because it was at a cemetery.  

            He told me the reason they had guards there overnight was, people would steal the flowers from the graves and then resell them.  That’s pretty sad but there are some screwed up people in this world.

            He also told me, on the property at the top of the hill, was a crematory, that the son of the guy who owned it was pretty much a wacko.  He said the son had been seen driving by the guard shack with dead bodies sitting in the front seat, and that was why they had a hard time keeping permanent guards there. 

            By the time he finished his story, I was thinking I’d probably call in sick that day and leave it to someone else to work.  Luckily for me, he told me that, at night, they always had two guards working, instead of one, like the day shift.  Whew!  That was a relief. 

            The day came for me to work at the cemetery and something told me to call in, but it was a new job and my girlfriend was on my case about being responsible.  She also liked teasing me a little about being scared of ghosts and goblins.  So, to prove her wrong, I went to work. 

            I pulled up to the post.  It was well-lit so that made me a little more comfortable.  Also, I thought I’d have someone to work with to make the time go by fast.  I went into the guard shack and the first thing the guard on duty said was, the other guard had called in sick, so, I was going to be working there alone!

             I couldn’t let this guy know that I wasn’t too happy about being at this cemetery all by myself all night.  I couldn’t allow him to question my manhood.  He gave me a quick post briefing and showed me everything I needed to know.  Before he left, I started to feel a little better about the situation.  Then, he informed me that the only person left on the premises was the son of the crematory owner and he’d probably leave in an hour or so.  Damn, I’d gotten so comfortable I’d forgotten about him, now I’d have to worry about this wacko until he left.

            Once the guard I relieved was gone, I turned on the radio and used the phone to call my girl.  There was really nothing to do except to make sure no one entered the grounds until morning when the property opened for business.  Since the post had been started a year earlier, flower thieves had to go elsewhere for merchandise. 

            About an hour into my shift, I heard a car start behind me.  I stepped out and saw the headlights of the only car left turn on.  The son was headed down the hill towards the gate and me.  It’s amazing how much crazy stuff can go through your mind in a matter of seconds when you get a little scared.

            The car came closer to the gate and I positioned myself in front of the guard house in the center of the median so I didn’t look nervous, and, also, I wasn’t too close to the lane where his car was.  As soon as he neared the gate, he slowed down, and when he did, I thought he might say goodnight or something.  When the car moved alongside the guard house, I looked inside and, I swear, all I saw was a female arm.  He was pointing it at me. 

            I screamed like a little girl and hauled ass.  I was running down the street and this guy was following me.  I couldn’t get away fast enough; it was like a bad dream.  There were no other cars coming.  On one side, I had the cemetery and I damn sure was not going to climb the fence and run through there.  So I went full speed down the side of the road. 

             I ran about a half mile until I was exhausted but this guy was still following me.  Finally, I grabbed a big rock because I’d had enough.  When he saw that rock, he stopped the car and opened the door.  I bolted again.  In the distance, I heard someone calling my name.  When I finally got enough nerve to look back, I saw the son and thought he looked kind of familiar.  He kept calling my name, and when I finally recognized his voice, I knew I’d been had. 

             There was no son, and the arm was a mannequin arm.  The culprit was my fat co-worker from a few days before.  I should have hit him with that rock.  Come to find out, his uncle ran the crematory, and, three days a week, he worked for his uncle as a janitor cleaning up the place. 

            He was laughing so hard he couldn’t catch his breath, and I was so pissed I was wishing he’d have a heart attack.  He had tears rolling down his cheeks and, after a while, I laughed too.  On the way back, I was trying to figure out how I could keep his fat ass from ever telling anyone this story. 

When we got back to the gate, the guard I relieved was standing at the gate and before we got out of the car, he, too, burst out laughing.  I found out later that all new hires went through this ritual.  In the end, it wasn’t so bad; hell, later, I helped set people up for their night at the cemetery.

Watching Shoplifters on my day off

The one major downside to working in asset protection or loss prevention is, you lose the urge to go shopping. You just don’t want to do it. On your day off, the last thing you want to do is go to a mall where people are shopping. My girlfriend does not even ask me to go shopping with her anymore. She says it’s too frustrating. She’s trying on clothes and I’m pointing out who’s stealing. It drives her nuts.
Also, I hate those little women’s stores, you know the ones that have two salesgirls working, and the store is three thousand square feet. They have these fake cameras and all these signs about prosecuting thieves. Yeah right. Who’s watching those cameras?
It had happened to me so many times with my girlfriend I could not take it anymore. We were in one of those stores and there was only one salesgirl, I guess the other was on her break. My girlfriend was in the fitting room and these two large black women were trying to get the salesgirl to go into the stock room to look for merchandise they knew the store did not have.
I could not take it anymore; I just blurted out that the store did not have the merchandise because the shipment would not arrive until the next weekend. I pulled out my badge and called the salesgirl by her name, which freaked her out (it was on her name tag), informed her that I had been sent to watch the store because of the losses. The two black women, as well as a couple of white women, saw that badge and headed straight out the door.
The sales clerk started to sweat because she really thought I had been sent by their corporate office, which told me she probably was ripping the store off too. My girlfriend came out, noticed the store was empty, and, immediately said, “What did you do?”
That was my last shopping trip with her. As for me, if the store I work for does not have it, I’ll order it online.

Security and Ghosts

We were assigned to  Kunia Point Satellite tracking station on the Island of Oahu in Hawaii.  It was about a thirty minute drive from our regular base.  When you get there, there’s a guard shack at the bottom of the entrance near the beach.
 The guard shack is usually manned by two DOD (Department of Defense) guards.  We manned the top portion.  From the bottom of the hill to the top, it takes about ten minutes to drive along a narrow winding roadway.  Once on the top, the view is breathtaking; it’s beautiful. 
 On any given day, you could actually drive through the clouds.  The point sits so high on the mountain top that the clouds cover it some days.  The first time you see this, you feel like a kid.  Walking in the clouds is something I’ll never forget; it feels damp, like fog.
 Our job was to patrol the area on top which housed all the satellite buildings.  They tracked everything coming and going from airplanes to missiles.  It’s really a boring job once you get over the beauty of the place.
 However, with all that beauty comes something else, and I learned it the hard way.  One night, both the DOD guards called in sick; instead of just one security specialist, they sent two of us. 
 Since I had the higher rank, I assigned my co-worker to work the guard shack on the bottom of the hill and I took the top.  I did this primarily because I wanted to get some sleep. 
 At the top, I found a clearing where I could park my truck.  Then I prepared for some serious shut eye.  But, for some reason, I couldn’t sleep and the wind kept blowing the truck back and forth.  I don’t know why, but I also had an eerie feeling that I wasn’t alone.  I rolled up the windows of the truck and locked the doors, and tried again to settle down for a little sleep. 
 I nodded off for about an hour, but, for some reason, I awoke.  I remember looking at my watch, perturbed.  It was only 0200 hours and I still had six hours to go before we’d be relieved. 
 Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some movement.  Once I got my eyes focused, I observed a man on a black horse riding down the side of the mountain.
 The crazy thing wasn’t that he was there; it was the strange way I reacted.  I remember saying to myself, “What the hell is this idiot doing in a restricted area at two o’clock in the morning on a damn horse?”  Then, I unlocked my door as the horseman got nearer, and I exited the truck.  I looked over the truck and he was standing, still looking at me.  I reached down to grab my m-16 rifle.  When I lifted my head to check on him, he was gone!  Disappeared!   
 Hell, I did the exact same thing.  I jumped back into that truck and hauled ass.  By the time I arrived at the gate shack at the bottom, the truck’s brakes were smoking.
 I slid up to the gate shack and ran inside where my co-worker was busy typing out the shift blotter.  I think I scared him by the way I came in because his eyes were big as mine.  He later asked me what had happened.  But I couldn’t tell anyone; I didn’t know how to explain it.
 Later, when we got back to our regular base, I located my boss and requested that I return to the Point for the next several nights.  I never told him why but he approved it.  I had to know for myself if I’d actually seen what I thought. 
 One thing bothered me the most.  When I replayed the image in my mind, I realized the man on the horse looked like one of the old Hawaiian Warriors from the paintings I’d seen.  No shirt, a black cape and a wooden helmet. 
 The next night, I returned to the Point.  This time, the two DOD guards were back.  Before I headed for the top, I also checked out a pistol from the shack.  This, with my m-16, made me feel a little better.
 I was using an old patrol car since the truck, because of its brakes, was due for maintenance.  After a little chit chat with the guards, I slowly made my way to the top of the mountain.  I went back to the place where I’d seen the man on the horse.  Of course, I saw nothing this time.  So, I decided to make my rounds. 
 I was on my way up to the water tower when, off in the distance, in the bushes, I heard something moving toward me.  The closer it got, the louder the sound became.  I could tell it was big because the bushes were moving.  I stopped the car and I knew I couldn’t get my M16 because it was under my legs.  So, I was trying to get my revolver out, but, my seatbelt was over it.  I was tried like hell to get that seatbelt off as this thing got closer and closer to the vehicle.  I started screaming when it was a few feet away in the bushes and I kept screaming while I tried to pull my revolver out!  All of a sudden, a large wild Hawaiian Pig came out of the brush.  The pig ran across the road, in front of my car, and into the bushes on the other side.  The thing was so damned big it had to have been four feet high to the top of his back.  When it was all over, I almost fainted.  In my mind, I thought something was really going to get me.
 After that scare, I felt I needed some human companionship.  I drove back down to the guard shack.  The DOD guards were Hawaiian and they’d been working the post for a very long time.  I told them about the pig incident and they were a little depressed because I didn’t shoot it so they could eat it.  The rest of the night went without incident.
 On the third night, the DOD guards called me to return to the gate shack because they wanted to talk to me.  I returned and was told that they knew why I was there so many days in a row.
 They said they knew I had seen something on the mountain.  They also assured me that I wasn’t the only person ever to see something they couldn’t explain.  I was told that the location was the point where spirits left this world for the next and that, sometimes, they didn’t go. 
 I guess I should have felt better but, actually, it made me feel a little more uneasy.  I still had two more days at the point and the last thing I wanted was to see someone who refused to be where he was supposed to be.<a href=”http://www.observeandreport.net

Starting out as a Security Guard

My first guard job, when I came out of the Corps, didn’t last long.  I was hired to work for a company in LA, and they sent me to guard a junk yard.  
 I was just out of the Corps, so, I was still a little bit eaten up.  Regardless of the uniform I was wearing, I had to be all spit and polished.  I arrived at the junk yard and reported to the owner.  Man, was he an asshole.  But, he was a former Marine, like me, and a Viet Nam vet to boot. 
 He took me on a quick tour of the compound and made sure that I paid special attention to his prized possessions.  He had a small area that had nothing but old beat up Cadillac’s; there must have been thirty of them.  He told me that he had people coming at night, stripping those Caddies, and my job was to make sure it didn’t happen again.
 When everyone was gone from the lot and the night got late, it was a good opportunity to evaluate my situation.  A month ago, I was a Marine Corps sniper; now, I was sitting in the middle of a junkyard working as a security guard.  Damn!   
 I was depressed; here I was sitting in my car, and, hell, it looked right at home in this salvage yard.  I had a .38 revolver but only three rounds of ammo.  The radio the company issued me might or might not work in the event of an emergency.  My flashlight stopped working shortly after I left home!   
 Somewhere in the middle of feeling sorry for myself, I fucking fall asleep.  Can you believe it, falling asleep, my first night on the job?  When I woke up, I heard the owner screaming something about those fucking Caddies!  Hell, I knew I was fired, so I started my rusted out car and went home.
 Later that day, while I was going through the want ads again, the guard company called me and said that the owner wasn’t as mad as I thought and they wanted me to go back to the junkyard again. 
  Shit, the classified section of the newspaper didn’t have a whole lot, so I figured I’d better do a good job this time or I might have to go work at McDonalds.  When I arrived, the owner pretty much blew me off.  Which was ok; I was lucky to be working. 
 This time, I stayed out of my car and made rounds of the compound like I was on patrol in the Corps.  But by 1:00 am, I was tired.  Then, I saw what appeared to be movement in the corner of my eye.  Yeah, I thought I saw something; it was the shadows of three guys as they were climbing under the fence.  They hadn’t seen me, so, I moved into the shadows to get the jump on them.  I got to within about twenty feet of them and with my trusty .38 drawn, I shouted “FREEZE!”  They froze alright, but not the two pit bulls they had with them.  Those two dogs chased my ass through the compound and I was screaming like a bitch.  Finally, I jumped up on some crushed cars and the dogs couldn’t get to me. 
 I was on that stack of cars until daylight, but, I didn’t know if they’d left yet.  The whole night, I was trying to make contact with the guard service on the radio they’d given me.  Piece of shit didn’t work!   
 The owner walked through the lot and he was cussing about his fucking caddies being stripped and how pissed off he was.  He didn’t know that I was above him on some cars.  I jumped down right in front of him and scared the shit out of him.  Somewhere, he’d picked up my .38 that I’d dropped when the dogs chased me.  Before he could say anything, I grabbed it out of his hands and ran to my car.  This time I didn’t care if they fired me or not because I’d already made up my mind to quit!<a href=”http://www.observeandreport.net

“Observe And Report”

This blog is about the book of the same name, “Observe and Report” Behind the Scenes with Security, in Their Own Words. This is the first book about Security of it’s kind on the market today. It’s definately not another boring Security manual. This book is about true on the job stories and tales of actual security professionals.

For the first time you’ll be able to go behind the scenes and see what Security personnel do on the job. Each story is a different officer and they’ll entertain you with funny, witty, amusing, sad and sometimes tragic events from their jobs. All in the line of duty to protect life limb and property, yours!

A great book for anyone contemplating entering this amazing career field, has worked in the field or simply the curious reader whom wants to be entertained. You can order your copy by visiting  www.observeandreport.net